Do you want to meet your sexual soulmate? This article will show you how to find them. But first, let me ask you a question: Are you like the many women who don’t feel comfortable opening up about what they want in bed?
Based on what I’ve seen in my practice, there are two reasons for it. The obvious reason is it can feel embarrassing telling someone about your deepest fantasies and desires, as it requires you to feel vulnerable and opens you up to judgement.
The second and less obvious reason has to do with your set of beliefs around the existence of your ‘sexual soulmate’ who is a natural match for all your sexual needs and desires.
So if your partner is missing the mark on how you like it in bed, you might decide that they are simply not your sexual soulmate. This might lead you to think that there’s no point talking to them about sex. So instead of actually doing something to make your sex life better, you decide to just resign yourself to having a so-so sex life with this person.
Let’s dig a bit deeper to see how this set of beliefs could be denying you relationship satisfaction and how you can shift your mindset to finally meet your sexual soulmate and achieve that amazing sex life that you want.
Are you confusing sexual chemistry with sexual compatibility?
Sexual chemistry or spark is definitely a thing. Many people feel the spark — that feeling of being naturally drawn to someone physically — within just minutes of meeting them.
So the spark or chemistry can seem like destiny indeed. We don’t have much control over it. For most of us, either we feel it toward someone, or we don’t. I consider the spark as one of the foundational blocks of a passionate lasting relationship.
However, just feeling the spark doesn’t guarantee that you will have natural sexual compatibility. Sure, the spark will make sex exciting the first few times you do it, but once the shine of newness wears off, you could find yourself thinking that your partner is just so-so in bed.
Many people confuse feeling the sparks of sexual chemistry with sexual compatibility.
Sexual compatibility is something entirely different. It develops through communication: If you meet someone with whom you feel the spark, you should be able to communicate your way to a fantastic sex life with them.
You have to understand this to meet your sexual soulmate.
Here goes: There is no such thing as a ‘sexual soulmate’ who is a perfect match for all your sexual needs and desires.
Our sexual preferences and desires are highly individual, and the odds of meeting someone who knows exactly what you like and can read your mind in bed is like meeting the Mel Gibson character in What Women Want.
What is very realistic is finding a partner that you have sexual chemistry with, and who is open to hearing all your sexual needs and desires, and wants to reciprocate and share all of his with you.
Believing in sexual soulmates can be very detrimental to your sexual satisfaction and relationship success. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who believe in the existence of a ‘sexual soulmate’ report lower sexual satisfaction than those couples who believe that good sex comes from communication and working at it.
If you believe in sexual soulmates, I hope this article gave you a new perspective on communicating your way to better sex.
Another way of looking at it is that you can actually teach someone to be your sexual soulmate. It doesn’t have to take a long time either, but don’t expect it to happen overnight.
This mindset shift can dramatically change how you approach sex and elevate your level of sexual satisfaction for the rest of your life. I’ve seen it work in my own relationships and in the lives of the women who I’ve worked with.
Now how do you teach someone to be your sexual soulmate?
Well, there are three essential elements to talking about sex with your partner: choosing the right language, the way you say it, and the best time to have this conversation. Getting any one of these three elements wrong can have a dramatic impact on your partner’s confidence, your sex life going forward, and your overall relationship. Get the communication right and you will meet you sexual soulmate.