When is the Right Time to Talk About Sex With Your Partner? The Answer Might Surprise You.


When is the right time to talk about sex with your partner?

Maybe you just met or perhaps you’ve been together for a while. Either way, you have sexual needs and desires that you want fulfilled, or you may want some things to be done differently. Most couples will need to have this conversation, not just once but many times during their relationship as needs and desires could change over time. 

Choosing the right languagethe way you say it, and the best time to talk about sex with your partner are common topics in my conversations with women that come to The V. Club. Getting any one of these three elements wrong can have a dramatic impact on your sex life and overall relationship going forward. 

In this article, I will help you figure out when is the best (and worst) time to talk about sex with your partner.

Timing is Everything

It sounds plausible that giving constructive feedback in the moment might be the right way to go. However, picture this: You’re hot and heavy in bed together and he’s excited to get you off. He starts touching you and all the sudden you interject with criticism. How might that moment feel for him?

Well, at best it could result in a bruised ego. At worst, your words pierce him a little too sharply and he could get lifelong performance anxiety. Since we are at our most vulnerable during sex, both physically and emotionally, even what appears to be a kindly worded benign commentary can strike the wrong chord in us.

This isn’t meant to deter you from ever telling your partner how you like it in bed. Au contraire, I encourage you to be extremely communicative about your needs, desires, and preferences.

I only suggest that you save anything resembling a critique for a better timed conversation that does not take place during sex.

Instead, try finding a time when both of you are in a good mood and there isn’t anything or anyone distracting you. Not when he’s rushing out the door, or just coming home from a long day. Not when you are both doing the dishes or making dinner. 

There are gender differences in both how we communicate and when we are most receptive to discussing serious topics. Women tend to be more flexible with when they can have serious conversations. With men, timing is everything.

If you want to talk about sex with your guy, try for a nice quiet time when he is relaxed and open to you telling him how much you adore him and want your relationship to be the strongest it can possibly be. That is the best way to frame any criticism or suggestions that you make about your sex life.

Found the right time to talk about sex? Now read our next article for your 7-Step Game Plan on the way you should say it.