Humans are creatures of habit. We’re like this in just about everything, from our diets, fitness routines and recreational activities to our dating patterns. For most couples, sex becomes just that, a habit. A sex rut happens because after being together for a year or two, most couples find what works in the bedroom and stick to it. Even if you’re both climaxing at the end, do you crave sex or is just as common a practice as brushing your teeth before bed?
So what happened? Where’s the desire? Where’s the spark?
Before you have sex with someone new, the anticipation is almost greater than the sex itself. Why? Because our brain is our number one sex organ. The greater the anticipation, the more intense the sexual experience and orgasm will feel. Unfortunately, the anticipation naturally subsides once you’ve been there, done that for some time. So what to do if you want to maintain an exciting life?
For most people, there are two options. One, have short-term relationships where you will naturally feel great anticipation for the newness of your sexual experiences. It worked for George Clooney, but even he finally settled down and had twins. Gasp!
That brings us to the second option: understand that to maintain sexual anticipation and excitement in a longterm relationship requires work and determination.
Sex won’t feel like it did when you first met your partner, but you can avoid falling into a sex rut and sex can still be satisfying and exciting.
Here are 3 proven ways to make that happen:
1. Explore your partner’s body in new ways.
Rediscover the fun in discovering which hot spots make your lover squirm in anticipation like you did in early dating. Perhaps you can even find new ones!
Try turning off the lights and letting your fantasies run wild as you’re exploring each other’s body as if for the first time. Sex can feel very different in total darkness. As your sense of sight is turned off, the other four senses get heightened which can transform your sexual experience into something new even if you’re just following your usual routine.
2. Vary up where you have sex.
Get adventurous with new locations. Veering away from your usual routine is the best way to get out and stay out of a sex rut. Variety is the spice of life, and it couldn’t be truer in sex. The good news is that all that’s required is your imagination.
3. Learn new sex moves.
There are a lot of moves and positions out there. How many have you tried? Trying new things with a longterm partner can make sex feel quite new and exciting. You can make it into a game where you try a new foreplay move or sex position every week. Take turns coming up with new ideas! Adding a sex toy is another great way to make sex feel very different. With open communication about your needs and willingness to try new things, you can get out of a sex rut and make sex with your longtime partner to feel more like it did when you first met.
If you’re looking for ideas on how to get out of a sex rut, our masterclass Men by Design can help you with that. It starts with understanding the male psychology, then we take you into the practical elements of keeping things exciting.
You will also learn about a few select sex toys that can bring newness to your love life and make things more orgasmic for you and your partner. Many sex toys are designed for one or the other person’s pleasure. We have a few items in mind that will drive both of you crazy by making sex feel tighter, for example.
We are also going to tell you exactly what to do when you bring the toy into your bedroom. Introducing a new sex toy can be super sexy, but it can also upset and even offend your partner if he perceives it as a sign that you are dissatisfied with your current sex routine. You will know exactly what to say and do from our masterclass Men by Design.
You don’t have to settle for a sex rut. Sex in a longterm relationship could be fun, explorative, loving, sexy, and unpredictable, with a little hard work and education.