Let’s talk about a sensitive and sometimes daunting topic that’s on top of a new mom’s mind: what it will feel like to have sex after having a baby.
After the Salt N Pepa song “push it…push it real good”, if you’re a new Mom (and you’ve taken that song quite literally) you might be thinking; “Well I pushed…now what?”
On average, it can take up to six weeks or more to get an ok from your doctor to have sex again. (To get more information on your prenatal or postpartum questions, check out The V. Mommy Club.) But just because physically you might be ready, it doesn’t mean the rest of you is. Here are 5 things that you should know, based on our conversations with real Moms about their experiences with postpartum sex.
5 Tips for Sex After Having a Baby
- Think of a memory of something that turned you on in the past. Sometimes when dealing with any kind of sadness (depression, anxiety, or stress related) when we think of a good memory, it can help bring us out of our current negative headspace. If you worry about feeling turned on, try thinking about a past romp or a naughty fantasy you used to have. Close your eyes and let yourself be fully immersed in it. This is sure help start that fire burn down below again. And don’t forget to share it with your partner.
- Explore yourself first. Your body has changed in a big way. As a result of this, you may be afraid to fully let go and allow another person to touch you. And that’s ok. Touch yourself first and explore what feels good and what doesn’t. Do you enjoy being touched in a different place or in a different way now? Then use this information to communicate to your partner where the “go-zones” are.
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- Try new positions. The women we spoke to all said they were not fans of doggy style before having a child. But when they started to have sex after a baby, suddenly the angle that doggy provided made the experience so much more enjoyable. Find what works for you!
- Foreplay is even more important than before. It’s no secret that adequate arousal is the key in women having the best sex possible. But for sex after having a baby, that becomes even more crucial as both your body and mind have gone through significant changes. Physically you must combat hormone imbalances, tender breasts, and healing wounds. Mentally, new Moms often feel tired, sad, and overwhelmed (which are all normal). So take your time. Let him explore your body (and have fun exploring his). Get used to new sensations that are occurring in spots that possibly didn’t do anything for you previously. And most of all, don’t worry so much. Anxiety will only deter you from fully being related and able to enjoy the moment.
- Plan but don’t plan. You will “quickly” find that quickies become the new norm with a newborn in the house. However, there are little ways to make those speedy sex-sessions ones to remember. Make little notes with role-playing scenarios on one side and sex acts on the other. Leave them hidden in different rooms and when you have a quick moment with your partner to get it done, find the paper and let the “show” begin!
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Know that when it’s right, sex after having a baby will be right. It will be different and might seem daunting at first. But be brave, be beautiful, and be you. This new life phase is just another powerful step in your sexual journey. So embrace it you sexy mama you!