I can’t be the only one that’s happily married but still has a little solo play from time to time, right? Hell, maybe you do it every day or more.
My husband has always had a problem with solo masturbation. He thinks it stems from a past relationship where she was dead against it so he has developed a negative relationship with self-pleasuring. I always used to find it strange when I asked him if he had a wank since he last saw me and his answer was, “No.” At one point I just genuinely believed he was just trying to keep his solo sessions secret. Maybe he was embarrassed or our relationship had not yet reached that stage of vulnerability for him?
Self-pleasuring has always been part of my life, from the very first sexual stir I had. I couldn’t imagine not having some alone time; for me, this is where I learned what I liked and didn’t like. It was a way to get to know myself on a sexual level. How would I ever be able to tell someone what I liked if I didn’t even know myself?
I have had a lot of sexual partners and as good a lover as some of them were, none could outperform me. Let’s be honest here, no one can ever pleasure you like you can pleasure yourself. Only you can feel the sensations and pressure of touch that feel the best for you. This gives you and only you the tools required to make masturbation perfect pleasure each time.
I also love the freedom solo masturbation brings — I don’t have to worry about pleasing someone else. It’s my time to fully relax and let all my inhibitions go. Sure I can do this with my husband, but it’s not the same. When I am with my husband I must take his thoughts and feelings into consideration. Solo masturbation is a very selfish act. It’s not about anything other than self-gratification. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with that, we are all entitled to be selfish sometimes.
I don’t play with myself because I’m not getting my needs met, which I’m sure a lot of people would assume. My husband and I have a very satisfying sex life. I do it, well, because why shouldn’t I? There are times when I want to self-pleasure because I’m not in the mood for a full-on sex marathon — I may just want to orgasm when I’m stressed or can’t sleep. I don’t really have any set in stone reasons — I can be sitting there and suddenly the idea pops into my head. I don’t always act on it, but if my needs become great then I appease them.
Being a sex toy tester, I always have loads of products around and feel they make my solo play all that more fun. I can take my pick of what kind of solo play I want to indulge in. This can range from a quick clitoral orgasm to a full on penetration session. Then there are those times when I don’t need any toys to self-pleasure. Variety is the spice of life.
Over the 12 years I have been married I have masturbated a lot, like lots and lots. Over time I started to be more and more secretive about this, the main reason being that my husband was not into it. Don’t get me wrong, he has never discouraged me from it. He has even said that if he is sleeping, I don’t need to leave the room and go to the bathroom; I am just to do away in bed.
Surprisingly, this makes me very uncomfortable — there is just something about being caught that makes me feel awkward. even though I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I guess I see masturbation as a very private thing. I also worry now that my husband may think he’s not doing enough to satisfy me.
I am lucky in the sense that my husband and I are together 24/7 as we both work from home. So there is not a day when he’s not around to pleasure me. I just need to say the word and he is on it! Being a sex toy tester does heighten my sexual desires and needs. I used to think that sex toy testers must be numb because they have become desensitised to sex. Certainly this has not been the case for me — the more I have, the more I want. I guess I’m greedy that way.
My wonderful husband is always the one going on the school run and this is the perfect time for me to indulge in solo play. It’s my time to feel completely relaxed and ready for the mayhem that’s about to take place. Another favorite time of mine is after my husband has fallen asleep and the house is quiet. I don’t stay awake waiting on my chance, but on the odd occasion when I have trouble sleeping, there is nothing like a good orgasm to help me drift off to sleep.
The only time my husband will engage in self-masturbation is when he is doing it with me. I love watching him and he knows it turns me on immensely.
I think I will always take the time to pleasure myself. It’s my own little gig and I love every second of it. If you are like me, I hope this article convinces you that you should never feel ashamed. Also, if you have a partner who solo masturbates, don’t see this as a reflection on you or your abilities to please — some of us just love it and see no reason to stop even in a committed relationship.
Thanks for reading,
Contributor. The Oooh Review is a married team of sex bloggers that like to give advice, test adult products, and crush taboos. Find them at https://theooohreview.com.