Many women feel like it takes them a long time to reach orgasm while most men can get there in a matter of minutes. And that’s with clitoral stimulation; most women don’t experience vaginal orgasm at all.
Difficulty reaching orgasm can be a huge source of frustration. This can make matters even worse because feeling frustrated during sex can make reaching orgasm even more difficult since it stops you from being in the moment.
It’s a negative feedback loop that a lot of women find themselves in. Some women become unable to reach orgasm during sex with a partner altogether and are able to finish only through masturbation, or sometimes not at all.
This can eventually lead to a decreased sex drive, loss of desire for your partner, and an overall feeling of meh about your relationship.
But there’s good news. This problem isn’t a life sentence. I talk to a lot of women that come to my practice about this issue and fortunately, in most cases, we are able to figure out how to make them satisfyingly orgasmic. How? By removing the mental blocks, and learning new sex techniques and the do’s and don’ts of more orgasmic sex.
Everyone’s case is a little different and requires individual attention, but this article should give you a good jump start on understanding what is causing this issue and a few simple solutions to enjoying a deeply fulfilling and orgasmic sex.
You Have to Understand Female Arousal to Orgasm More Easily
There is a simple explanation for why it takes most women longer to reach climax than men and why it should not be a cause for concern: the arousal gender gap.
Our degree of arousal is one of the key things that determines when we will reach orgasm (and how strong it will be).
On average, women need significantly longer than men to get sufficiently aroused to climax. Blame mother nature for it.
Why is this so important to understand if you want to experience orgasms more easily?
Well, most women simply don’t allow themselves enough time to get properly aroused during a sexual experience with a partner before they start to wonder why they are not at the finish line yet while their partner is ready to go. And so the negative feedback loop begins.
3 Tips for Easier Orgasms
So mother nature wasn’t very generous with us ladies when it designed our process of arousal. But we still deserve to have deeply fulfilling and orgasmic sex! It’s good for our skin, sleep, mental health, immune system, and it feels really damn good!
So what’s a girl to do to reach her orgasm more easily?
- Stop stressing about how long it takes. Just accept it — it will probably take you longer to get off than him. Think of the bright side — it means that you will be having sex longer. It’s not the worst thing, right?
- Make sure you’re properly aroused. How? Spend more time on foreplay. Arousal is a function of time. For many couples, the foreplay repertoire feels a bit like ‘been there, done that’ and so they rush through it to the main act. There is an easy fix to this issue — you can learn new foreplay techniques for yourself and your partner. There are A LOT of things you can do during foreplay to keep it exciting even if you’ve been together with your guy for a long time. You and your partner can turn it into a game where you pick a new move to try every week.
- Get to know your body better through exploration both from yourself and partner. A lot of us think we’ve found all our sexual triggers. Challenge yourself to find more! For example, if you are like most women who need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, you might be surprised to learn that most likely you just haven’t figured out how to find and activate your g-spot.
There is no magic pill for reaching orgasm easier for women. But there are mindset shifts and sexual techniques that you can use that can give easier and stronger orgasms, and fast!
Just by changing your expectations around how long it should take you to orgasm and by having sex for longer can help you reach climax much easier than ever before.
We offer more advice on how to make sex more pleasurable and passionate for you and your partner in our masterclasses Ladies Come First and Men by Design. For women over 50, we also recommend learning more about natural methods for overcoming age-related sexual challenges in our masterclass The Mature Woman’s Guide to Sexual Health and Relationships.