Especially in the early stages, a relationship can feel like walking a tightrope – we worry about making mistakes that could see us lose balance and come crashing back down into a singles pool!
Having a strong sexual connection is a huge part of creating a fertile ground for a relationship to go the distance, so it’s important to avoid making the more serious mistakes that your partner may not forgive.
The biggest bedroom mistakes are shyness and a fear of intimacy. They sabotage the two core building blocks of a happy lasting relationship – sexual satisfaction and trust. If you don’t love your own body, or you don’t trust yourself with your partner, he will sense it.
Another serious mistake is doing something that your partner doesn’t like. This is true for actions that can hurt dignity or experimentation that your partner isn’t ready for.
Here are 10 more common bedroom mistakes women make that men may not forgive:
This is one of the biggest female mistakes in sex. Fake orgasms and passionate moans, eyes rolled back with pleasure… Come on, you are not starring in a Hollywood movie, are you? And your partner is not a teenager who would be impressed by your acting skills.
By the way, more experienced men have a good “actress” radar. They know that orgasms have a number of observable physiological reactions other than impassioned moans and arched backs. The contraction of vaginal muscles is one, and this is hard to imitate. And anyway, what’s the point? You wouldn’t want to keep faking it for years and years!
Comparing him with another guy
This is something you should always avoid, and especially in bed. Particularly if the comparison is not in your partner’s favor!
Even if you passionately whisper into his ear during sex that nobody ever gave you so much pleasure, brace yourself for the worst kind of reaction. Few men will be happy to know that you are thinking about your exes and conducting comparative analysis in bed.
Just imagine your partner squeezing your breasts and saying, “Mmm, my ex’s breasts weren’t so firm!”
“God, it’s so small!”, “You looked more pumped in your shirt!”, “Wow, that was quick”, “Have you done it before?” These are just a few phrases that will help you become single in no time.
But remember: if the owner of a “small thing” has a big heart that you love and appreciate, you’d better keep your mouth shut. Or, even better, find something to praise him for while you learn the tricks to enjoying sex with a smaller guy.
Remember the movie What Women Want? Mel Gibson’s character could hear his partner’s thoughts, and they didn’t necessarily have anything to do with what was going on in the moment. It is unlikely that your man has such a superpower, and he doesn’t really need to know that you haven’t switched off from thinking about work or you are still composing a grocery list in your head.
So if you suddenly remembered something very important, or you just noticed that the light bulb on the ceiling above the bed needs replacing, please don’t rush to tell your partner. He probably won’t appreciate your domestic enthusiasm in the middle of sex.
Seems obvious, no? You would be surprised how many women make this mistake.
Men love it when they have to win us over. Their higher testosterone makes them natural hunters. So when it comes to dating, most men are looking for an “I came, I saw, I conquered!” narrative.
But when it comes to the act of sex, men much prefer active partners who can show initiative. Few would enjoy a relationship with a “corpse”. So don’t hesitate to be proactive and energetic in bed because it takes two to have great sex, and you want to have great sex, no?
This is the flip side of the previous mistake. If you are trying to change positions every 30 seconds – you suggest moving from cowgirl on the sofa to from the back against the wall, but before you even reach the wall you are dragging your partner down for missionary on the floor – then you risk overdoing it.
Variety and high energy in sex is a good thing, but don’t turn it into a Zumba class, otherwise your guy may fall out of the race prematurely.
Feeling embarrassed about your body
This is probably the most common bedroom mistake. According to stats, 90% of women are unhappy with their bodies. This staggering figure even includes the young and beautiful.
When you find yourself alone with a man, naked, with no spanks or a flattering skirt, it could feel like the world is about to come tumbling down. “He’s going to see my flabby belly, fat butt, saggy breasts, sticking out collarbones, a birthmark, a scar.” (Circle all that applies to you.) “He will just get up and leave!”
So you ask him to turn the light off, or you try to hide yourself under the sheets. Particularly inventive women may even attempt blindfolding their partners!
But please remember: men are extraordinarily visual creatures that rely on visual stimulation for arousal. They want to behold all our hidden ‘treasures’. And they want to feel like we keep those treasures exclusively for his eyes only.
Trust us, that “fat butt” of yours will probably turn out to be the best part of your body as far as he is concerned, and the scar you’ve had since childhood may be your highlight that makes him want to experience your beauty again and again.
Depriving him of the pleasure of really seeing you naked is one of the biggest mistakes in sex.
Caring only about your own satisfaction
This mistake is typically attributed to men. The common belief is that they are fixated on their own pleasure and, once they’ve had an orgasm, just want to fall asleep or go home.
But as it turns out, there are plenty of selfish lovers among women too. Once they got what they want, they lose all interest in their partner’s satisfaction. In the best-case scenario, if the guy is lucky, he will be allowed to finish the job himself. Some women go as far as interrupt the intercourse once they’ve had their fill! If you are with a guy who enjoys sex (er, hello??), he will have none of it!
Silence is an asset if you are being interrogated by an enemy or find yourself at a table of gossip girls.
But when you are having sex, you’d better show some signs of life which includes exercising your vocal cords. It is rare for men to enjoy sex with a silent little mermaid. If you want to scream, scream! If you want to groan, groan! Some people like shouting obscenities or name calling. Why not, if it works for both of you?
If you don’t like to be loud, whisper some sweet words into your sweetheart’s ear. The trick is to get out of your head and do what comes naturally. If you are not being sincere, please see mistake Number One above.
Keeping quiet about your health
This is a grave mistake. Forget if your man will forgive you, the law may not. You can guess this is not about spreading the flu. Whether you think your STI is very serious or not, please be honest with your partner. When it comes to diseases, your silence may cause a real tragedy. And, even if you don’t have anything, don’t forget to be safe and use condoms.
Know any other no-no’s we didn’t mention? Drop a comment below or let us know at kateandcourtney.com/contact